Mornings. The dawn of possibility. The promise of new adventure.
(cue music: “Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day… “)
Only today, are the first sounds birds chirping? Songbirds sweetly singing. Doves cooing. All accompanied by rays of sunshine peaking through the windows? Gently caressing our eyes to open?
No. Today a special treat.
Just an inch from my eardrum and with all the force of a jet engine–this SCREAM, “MOM!!!!!!! He’s PEEEING OUTSIDE!!!!”
“MOOOOOOOOM! HE-IS-PEE-ING OUT-SIDE” Monosyllabic screeching now jolts my grey matter to the core.
One of my 6-year-old twins let the dog out and apparently decided to join in. Relieving himself side by side, for all the world to see. Guess the outside just seemed better — and well, clearly more convenient instead of using one of the FIVE bathrooms inside the house!
All this followed by incessant sibling arguing for the next 50 minutes. This is much more painful to my ears than the urine screech just moments earlier. The pain. Make it stop.
My eyes now transfix on the icepick I see next to the spatula. I reconsider jamming the weapon deep into my brain and – instead – try reasoning with the kids. I use patience, kindness and loving parental techniques. However, a primal roar with decibels nearing the sound barrier shattered my reverie. “THAAAATT’S IT! YOU THREE BOYS JUST STOP!!!! STOP THIS INSTANT!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!! DON’T SAY ONE MORE WORD UNTIL SCHOOL!!”
Oops. Did it again. My mouth in gear, full-on nitrous flames had kicked in. No permission from my brain.
Frozen in place. Not a sound now…. Only looks of sheer terror. Shock and awe at the kitchen table.
The phone rings. Homeowners Association warning of sound violations.
No time to think. Moments now ’til school. We race to beat the clock and bolt out the door.
But the dog throws up. And the library book is overdue, and it’s FLASHLIGHT FRIDAY, MOM! Oh, you mean, it was supposed to be a working flashlight?
Then all three boys dog pile Daddy. Hop on Pop comes to life. Now all three boys gloriously singing, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!” And even louder now, “Eat-More-Chicken.” Eruptions of laughter. Squeals of delight.
Now just this whisper from Mr. I’m-gonna-pee-outside-twin, “Momma, can we get one of those really cool cards and a present for Daddy? He’s so special, I want today to be the most extra-awesomer birthday ever for him.”
Now, that is sweet sounds to my ears.
Good Morning! Good Morning! Oh look, there goes a sweet bluebird and a dove and the sun is shining.