It’s a rare moment. A quiet house.
Only a duet of clocks ticking the seconds away.
Most times, it’s more like an orchestral clash of banging, clanging and slamming. The chaotic frenzy from three small, active, loud, busy boys, and Ben the Rodeo Lab all crescendo into a deafening decibel level. The frantic craze on the verge of eruption is also known as the morning routine. Sometimes, truth be told, I don’t like the frenzy. I’d much prefer a slow soothing arrival into the day. Lulling me gently to rise, as though in an far-east Indonesian spa with patchouli coaxing awake my senses. No, mornings seem to slam you head-on into jolts to your senses.
Tick. But not now. In the quiet of this morning, I hear even more than the clocks. Tick. I hear the seconds of my life passing. Tock. In this quiet, I am suddenly and acutely aware these seconds are moments of my life. Tick. As moms we are juggling so much, for so many. Those catch-your-breath moments are few. And when you do get a glimpse of calm – usually it’s filled with thoughts like, ‘CRAP!!. I was supposed to have already gotten that done.’ Or you run down the ever-present to-do list that taunts you. Things to do, items to pick up, yet to get done, drop off, call back, pay, arrange, laundry to wash, meeting to get to, deadline to keep, stand on your head and get it all done and look good doing it. Tick.
No, these seconds sing a much more mortal song. The clocks chiming with the chorus, ‘Breathe this in. You can’t get this back.’ These times, these days, these moments with your kids, with your family. In this morning’s quiet, the clocks tell me so much more than the time; they tell me to soak in each and every second.
Somehow these seconds are a gift. A reminder to rejoice in this day with my kids. As we all know– if we’re willing to admit it – it’s often exhausting and thankless. But in the big picture, I know that I will never regret how much of myself I give to them. Never regret how hard I work for them, or how much I do for them. The sacrifices. The compromises. The sails I adjusted along the way. What I forego – time with friends, “me-time”, job choices, career decisions and on and on… We make choices, we are selfless and we give to everyone before ourselves. And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit there are times when part of me is resentful. A part that wishes I didn’t have to give away all of me. Tock. That reminder again. The second hands whispering to me just how VERY PRECIOUS this time is with my children. Breathe this in – it is empowering to realize it’s okay to not like parts of it, but even more empowering to realize how very precious these seconds are.
With that, I turn and go wake up my kids, hoping to get a few extra minutes with them this morning.