Yesterday I ROYALLY screwed up.
And I need to share it.
As a Mom, I just flat out sucked.
I yelled way too much and way too loudly at my kids that *I* ended up in tears by the end of the day. And a sore throat.
And as you may know, my dryer does nothing more than act like a big blow dryer. So overdue for a new one, (yes, I’m dryer shopping right now – if you have suggestions.) But, right now, it’s bad.
As a result – I am picking through the clothes to find the baseball uniforms and then cleaning off the remnants of whatever smears are on there. Especially with 3 boys, hubby — and even a dog that contributes — my dog loves pulling towels around the house and – in whatever strange mating ritual – seems to really like the striped ones.
And socks, why match, sort and put away when you can just buy more pairs?
Ya, Target loves me.
But I was too proud yesterday to talk about all those things with you. Too busy maintaining a ‘I-have-it-all-together’ mentality SOOO many of us mothers do. And too busy trying to be perfect. Too busy stuck in the mire of thinking I was nothing but a failure at the end of the day. Too busy tearing myself down. Too busy shining my own mental spotlight on how I fail or what I screwed up or what I did wrong. Quickly and almost automatically reciting all that I didn’t do, or the should haves, or yet to do’s that should already be checked off. Oh, that part? That’s so easy: like the teacher appreciation week I haven’t nearly spent enough time on, like the phone calls I need to return, the laundry taunting me, like the meeting to set up, the deadline on the project, the summer camps I need to organize, the doctor and dentist appointment for me, a call to my niece to congratulate on getting engaged, the flipping fish I left in the oven and ended up burning (you don’t want to do that). I could go on and on. Couldn’t you? It’s like evil twins. Perfection and Mom Guilt. They consume you into seeing all you did wrong and and all you didn’t do on the list that never ends.
Trying to be perfect? THAT, I have perfected.
And THAT is CRAP!
THAT is NOT Empowering. It sucks the life out of us. And drains our spirit. And it’s what brought me to this place – the creation of The Empowered Mom – to begin with – my habit of tearing myself down! And I don’t want to be so good at it that I do the same to my kids. Changing my need to be perfect – and having a PhD in perfection – and being my own worst enemy – left me emtpy, stuck and a victim.
It sucks. And that type of behavior, and unconscious thinking – does nothing to build you up, to further your growth, for achievement, or to nurture both yourself and others. This type of thinking only sets you up to do it again because then you’ll never be good enough for yourself. You’ll only see what you perceive as failures. How ’bout changing perspective?!
Empowering is not looking at all the BAD, or the shortfalls. Let’s reframe it and change our focus. It’s realizing the blessings, or that which you did achieve or the times and the things that were really, really good.
What about the time I spent with my son that was home sick yesterday, what about the “fondue party” I came up with ‘on the fly’ and the time he and I spent together yesterday afternoon. (Yes, chocolate is has very good medicinal benefits – especially when shared with your child.)
What about the phone calls I did make, the balls I did advance on the business, the healthy things I did do.
What about the healthy food I ate, and the great workout I got in.
The time I spent calmly talking with my other son about how I shouldn’t have yelled and that’s not the best way to handle something with him. And he and I talked and laughed and hugged.
And what about my other son, who sat at the kitchen table playing with a game and wrote a ‘poem’ for me and couldn’t wait to show me this:
Seeing that, now that is EMPOWERING, and perfect enough for me.