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May 05

Yesterday, I ROYALLY Screwed Up Being “Mom.”

Yesterday I ROYALLY screwed up.

And I need to share it.

As a Mom, I just flat out sucked.

I yelled way too much and way too loudly at my kids that *I* ended up in tears by the end of the day. And a sore throat.

And as you may know, my dryer does nothing more than act like a big blow dryer. So overdue for a new one, (yes, I’m dryer shopping right now – if you have suggestions.) But, right now, it’s bad.

As a result –  I am picking through the clothes to find the baseball uniforms and then cleaning off the remnants of whatever smears are on there. Especially with 3 boys, hubby — and even a dog that contributes — my dog loves pulling towels around the house and –  in whatever strange mating ritual – seems to really like the striped ones.

And socks, why match, sort and put away when you can just buy more pairs?

Ya, Target loves me.

But I was too proud yesterday to talk about all those things with you. Too busy maintaining a ‘I-have-it-all-together’ mentality SOOO many of us mothers do.  And too busy trying to be perfect.  Too busy stuck in the mire of thinking I was nothing but a failure at the end of the day. Too busy tearing myself down. Too busy shining my own mental spotlight on how I fail or what I screwed up or what I did wrong. Quickly and almost automatically reciting all that I didn’t do, or the should haves, or yet to do’s that should already be checked off.  Oh, that part?  That’s so easy:  like the teacher appreciation week I haven’t nearly spent enough time on, like the phone calls I need to return, the laundry taunting me, like the meeting to set up, the deadline on the project, the summer camps I need to organize, the doctor and dentist appointment for me, a call to my niece to congratulate on getting engaged, the flipping fish I left in the oven and ended up burning (you don’t want to do that).  I could go on and on.  Couldn’t you?  It’s like evil twins. Perfection and Mom Guilt.  They consume you into seeing all you did wrong and and all you didn’t do on the list that never ends.

Trying to be perfect? THAT, I have perfected.

And THAT is CRAP!

THAT is NOT Empowering.  It sucks the life out of us.  And drains our spirit.  And it’s what brought me to this place – the creation of The Empowered Mom – to begin with – my habit of tearing myself down!  And I don’t want to be so good at it that I do the same to my kids. Changing my need to be perfect –  and having a PhD in perfection – and being my own worst enemy – left me emtpy, stuck and a victim.

It sucks.  And that type of behavior, and unconscious thinking –  does nothing to build you up, to further your growth, for achievement, or to nurture both yourself and others.  This type of thinking only sets you up to do it again because then you’ll never be good enough for yourself. You’ll only see what you perceive as failures. How ’bout changing perspective?!

Empowering is not looking at all the BAD, or the shortfalls. Let’s reframe it and change our focus. It’s realizing the blessings, or that which you did achieve or the times and the things that were really, really good.

What about the time I spent with my son that was home sick yesterday, what about the “fondue party” I came up with ‘on the fly’ and the time he and I spent together yesterday afternoon. (Yes, chocolate is has very good medicinal benefits – especially when shared with your child.)

What about the phone calls I did make, the balls I did advance on the business, the healthy things I did do.

What about the healthy food I ate, and the great workout I got in.

The time I spent calmly talking with my other son about how I shouldn’t have yelled and that’s not the best way to handle something with him. And he and I talked and laughed and hugged.

And what about my other son, who sat at the kitchen table playing with a game and wrote a ‘poem’ for me and couldn’t wait to show me this:

Seeing that,  now that is EMPOWERING, and perfect enough for me.

 

 

 

7 comments

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  1. Kim | Not So Perfect Mom

    All I can say is, sing it sister! I’ve had one if *those* weeks so your post really spoke to me! Thank you for being brave enough to put it out there. And? We just got a new GE front-loader washer and dryer, the basic model no bells and whistles, and I love it!

    1. The Empowered Mom

      Thanks for your reply! It’s scary to air out your dirty laundry (sorry, couldn’t resist the pun!). I’m glad it spoke to you. It wasn’t originally what I had in mind to post today, but it was what was really on my mind. So I went with it. Thanks a LOT for the feedback, it means more than you know! (And thx for the dryer tip!) 🙂

  2. Melody Lea Lamb

    I am your newest, most smitten and deeply grateful admirer!! YOU R-O-C-K. I only wish we lived near so we could zip out quickly between loads of laundry for a chocolate biscotti and a latte! 🙂
    ~Melody

    1. The Empowered Mom

      Amazing the connections we find with some people we’ve never even met in person – and the power in opening ourselves up to the possibilities! And hey, let’s look at it this way – if the dryer isn’t working, there’s more time for biscotti and latte! 🙂

  3. Tess Hardwick

    Wonderful post. I also sucked yesterday and the day before. Thanks for writing so honestly about a subject so taboo. It gives us all permission to forgive ourselves for not being perfect all the time, or in my case, any of the time. Keep them coming! We mommies out here need you.
    Tess

    1. The Empowered Mom

      Thank you SO much for your reply! It is a bit unnerving to be so honest, in fact, it’s not what I was originally writing about – but I just couldn’t get it off my mind, so I wrote from the heart. I’m glad it struck a chord with so many. We are so quick to blame ourselves and most times the last to be our own best friend, we need each other to speak up and break some of these silences and taboo topics! By sharing it – we dissolve its power, and we EMPOWER ourselves!

      Have an AMAZING EMPOWERED MOM’s Day! 🙂

  4. Bob Crawford

    Thanks for sharing! My daughter is in college now, but there were many times when I was raising her as a single parent that “I sucked” too. But it turned out that the more I tried to be the perfect parent, the more anxiety and stress I caused myself. When I stopped ‘trying’ to be perfect and just focused on the moment things got a lot easier.

    Peace,
    Bob

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